By PETER CALDER

(Herald rating: * * )

Garden lovers may find some diversion in this listless British comedy about a bunch of cons in a minimum security prison who take up gardening.

Film lovers, however, may be less impressed with a movie that seems to have little idea where it's going and takes its time getting there.

The amount of genuine talent on show (the marvellous Mirren, going through the motions; Owen, the croupier in Croupier, an actor of real class; and the ageless Clarke who worked for Lindsay Anderson in the 60s) makes it plain that sometimes people do it just for the money. The performers' real achievement is that, for one take of each scene at least, they managed to keep straight faces.

The story, based loosely on fact, concerns a bunch of lags who find meaning in a bunch of double violets and, thanks to an understanding governor, make plans to enter the Hampton Court Flower Show.

Of course they have their share of setbacks - the film even contrives a romantic subplot behind bars - before finally making the show.

You don't quite know the rest since Hershman, who also wrote, has an ending that is even more banal than the obvious.

Let's just say the film, which barely leaves off preaching to us for a minute, milks quite dry the comic potential of macho thugs talking about pansies.

It's so bad that even the cadaverous Kelly, who rode a motorcycle naked in Waking Ned Devine, struggles to raise a smile.

Cast: Clive Owen, Helen Mirren, David Kelly, Warren Clarke

Director: Joel Hershman

Rating: M, contains sex scenes and offensive language

Running time: 93 mins

Screening: Bridgeway